A Wake Up Call
Today I got a call from a girl. This girl and I use to be super close back in the day, I even thought we might have something going on. But due to some of her actions, I moved forward with my life without her. I won’t tell you what she did, but I’ll tell you the effects. It destroyed my trust, it made me question my morals, and it made me cold.
I’d have to say the last one is my fault. If I didn’t let her get away with what she did and let her actions eat me up on the inside, maybe I’d be better off right.
But anyways, she called me today early in the morning. I hadn’t gotten out of bed yet. First thing she does is apologize. She doesn’t refer to her actions but just that she has been a horrible person, she starts crying (What I could infer from her voice), says that she was sorry, that she wanted to take me out to dinner on her.
But the thing is…I didn’t care. I’ve changed so much in the last few months. I use to be happy, trusting, smiling, energetic, friendly, and striving for greatness! But now I’m cold. I’ve burned bridges with people I would never had a year ago, given up on making friends, looking out for myself more than ever. My moral code has been in question in for months, but finally I’m starting lose grip of who I use to be.
I can look at a picture of me from a year ago, I was young, I was happy, I was….Me.
Now I look in the mirror, all I see is a tired, old, sick, lonely man. It’s haunting. Because my failures came crashing down on me, my friends are gone, and I don’t care much about those who’ve burned me. I’ve lost so much that I’ve really started to feel numb to many emotions.
Hell, I don’t feel satisfied with a lot of my friends now. I’m really questioning why we are even friends. There’s only a few people I can count on. I can count them all on one hand, but they have their own lives, their own troubles, their own happiness to worry about. I don’t really think they want to listen anyways.
I miss my best friend.
I miss being able to talk to him about my life. He and I argued, but he took care of me like a brother. I really wish I could talk to him right now, I’m having a hard time keeping it together and kept me grounded.
I miss ya cap…I never thought I’d come back broken.